Be a WannaMe (Part IV)

Self-actualization: Identity embodiment becomes your forever path

Be malleable in your existence, but maintain uniformity in the constituency of your being. What does this mean?

We are all shaped to various extents by the wide spectrum of experiences that life has to offer, the doctrines of philosophers, historical figures, public institutions, theologians, social activists, and thought-leaders. We are influenced by history itself, by our material conditions, our cultures, the milieus in which we find ourselves, our places of learning, our families, by popular culture, and perceived societal dictates. We are deeply impacted by life’s serendipities, vicissitudes, vagaries, tribulations, sorrows, wins, and losses. Though, what is the one constancy in our lives? What is the singular unchanging force, the fundamental bedrock in our lives? Is it our careers? Our families? Our religions? Our communities? Our cultural affiliations? Yes for all, though, to a limited extent. All of these aspects of life can certainly coalesce into a coherent and reliable operating system for life that orients and grounds an individual in the convoluted and over-stimulating world that we find ourselves within. The aforementioned aspects of existence automatically and should diffuse into one’s consciousness. Unfortunately, at the same time, all of these aspects of existence are perpetually subject to some degree of change and are outside of our locus of control. All are immensely valuable but are wholly external to the Self. Thus, and I speak here from personal experience more than anything else, all shall inevitably fail to offer ever-lasting and reasonable clarity, guidance, zeal, and peace at some point in life. The aforementioned traditional aspects of existence are often used as tools for navigating reality, making decisions, and for dealing with a personal struggle of some kind, be it the struggle of losing a loved one, of being immersed in environmental conditions that cripple one’s capacity to pursue what one wants, betrayal, loss of a coveted something (e.g. career, material loss, etc.), of finding answers to the big questions of existence (e.g. What are we? Why am I here? Why do people suffer needlessly? Why are we here? How did reality come to be the way that it is?). What about arguably the greatest struggle of all? The struggle to exercise control over one’s restless mind and the maelstrom of thoughts and emotions that it begets minute-after-minute.

What then, is the supreme construct for perceiving, organizing, understanding, and interfacing with both the internal world and the external world? One that is equipped to enable oneself to make the optimal choice, no matter the predicament… One that is resilient enough to not only withstand the greatest of blows and setbacks, but is made stronger by them… that is is able to offer solace, comfort, and guidance no matter the odds and no matter how mentally low one may be… One that is capable of constant and self-perpetuating refinement and evolution upon itself in response to the happenings, thoughts, and feelings of each day. The self-constructed proclivity-principle identity. With the constituent parts being principles predicated upon self-identified and auspicious natural predispositions/tendencies and reinforced through rational deduction and personal insight, the authentic identity is most capable of handling the chaos of both the mind and reality. Why? Well, simply put, it is a self-concept, a system compromised of, essentially, self-knowledge. What can be more capable of producing clarity, resolve, peace, and guidance in all situations than that which one has logically deemed, through honest and rigorous self-interrogation, to be an intrinsic and perhaps innate, ideal proclivity? To go further, a comprehensive lattice of proclivity-based principles all rooted in self-discovered authenticity and reinforced through insights and actions, which flow from the principles, and that validate the value of them.

So, when I say, be malleable in your existence but maintain uniformity in the constituency of your being, the intended meaning is, allow yourself to openly, curiously, and compassionately engage with all that comes your way in life, and all the while, filter all the inputs of life through the self-constructed authentic identity. Once the principle lattice of the self-constructed identity has reached an advanced level of development, it becomes the processor of all stimuli and experiences. All external inputs shall flow first and foremost through one’s identity and if one constructs one’s identity using the process for identity creation that I have outlined, I surmise, what comes out on the other end of the identity filter, are nothing but auspicious realizations, an ever-more heightened empathic impulse, refined understandings, novel insights, and better ways of living. With the tailor-made identity, experiences, both good and bad, become rife with potential that can enable some kind of self-progress. Ultimately, and barring extreme catastrophes, the whole notion of a bad experience evaporates. What is a bad experience at the end of the day? Essentially, without an authentic identity, it is an apparently distasteful, discomforting, inconvenient, and unwelcome happenstance. With an authentic identity that includes extreme self-honesty as a principle, all experiences become gates to parts of you that are not yet known to you and opportunities for self-improvement. The identity both prevents you from falling too low when dealt a seemingly unfavorable hand and also drives you to view your hand critically, determine its antecedents, and construct pragmatic courses of action that guarantee that you come out on the other side of whatever the challenge is a more refined and capable version of the person that existed prior to it. It ensures internal consistency and continuity in courses of action that one has deemed to be worthwhile. With internal consistency comes a background hum of self-certainty that pervades the mind, an inexhaustible force that brings oneself closer and closer to that which one seeks to achieve.

Adherence to one’s authentic identity causes one to become utterly enthused by one’s own existence, thoughts, and missions. An intuitive desire to seek one’s own company more than that of anyone else becomes an inextricable component of one’s subconscious. With a robust identity lattice, one becomes capable of manufacturing one’s own happiness. In fact, the mind becomes the primary source of one’s happiness. What happens in the outside world is no longer a primary determinant of the quality of one’s mind. The pursuit of this and that possessor of short-term gratification becomes positively superfluous, and I would argue, corrosive to the Self. Why? Well, now that one is capable of conjuring original, invigorating, thought-provoking, compelling insights and knowledge, one’s mind becomes the most enjoyable playground on Earth. One’s mind becomes the primary source of comfort, guidance, resilience, peace, and bliss. One, is now totally capable of existing unto oneself no matter the conditions of life. Best of all, this state of affairs shall become most desirable because one shall realize quite quickly that actualizing one’s identity shall never fail to fill oneself with internal fulfillment and self-respect: two of the purest and most sustainable wells of joy.

The proclivity-principle based identity insulates the human from any and all negative inputs; be it an ad-hominem attack, baseless and disingenuous critique, practical mistakes, “failures”, disappointment from others, betrayal, and so on. Why? Because you know what makes you, You! How? Because you, quite literally, constructed the conception of you. When this has been done, an intuitive awareness of your self-identified auspicious proclivities develops and shall manifest at some point during any and all points of tension that arise as we exist in this mind-bogglingly unintelligible human world. This intuitive awareness goes onto quell the emotional discomfort that naturally arises from someone coming at you, to speak colloquially, or something devastating befalling you. The identity thrusts itself to the forefront of your cognition and reminds you of who you are and that its constituents are fundamentally not compromised by whatever has happened. They can’t be; because, they are utterly detached from the world itself. They are born of self-knowledge and thus are of your own creation. They were not constructed to serve anyone or anything in the physical world. They don’t have their seeds in the creed or ideology of this and that person, organization, group, culture, or religion. They were constructed as part of an honest investigation into the contents of the mind, the products of sincerity and curiosity. Such an identity serves as a fortress that shields oneself from that which one does not seek to be influenced by and that which is of no value to oneself, where value is defined as something that enables oneself to live a more honest, focused, purposeful, diligent, compassionate, understanding, curious, gracious, and sincere life.

The usefulness and power of the self-constructed identity is limitless. It protects and reaffirms one’s Self in the situations where we are confronted with people who speak as though they know you better than you, who offer commentary on your character and mind that sorely misses the mark, or worst of all, contradicts the truths of who you are. The authentic identity shall lift one up when another or something has made one feel inadequate. If the reason for the feeling of inadequacy is legitimate and within one’s locus of control, then view the person or situation which begat it as a gift and seek to ameliorate it. If the reason for the feeling of inadequacy is illegitimate, the authentic identity will make one realize that it is so. Moreover, it will push out the false and disingenuous intrusion with the truths of one’s Self. One shall say, “this distasteful remark, unwarranted intrusion, or worry is utterly irrelevant and contradictory relative to what I know to be true about myself and my personal vision of life.” This can happen for many reasons. They are important, but not supremely important. What is of supreme importance is being able to take falsehoods about one’s Self on the face with grace and a smile. This can be done when one’s understanding of Self is so deeply integrated into the neural circuitry of the subconscious mind, that one intuitively brushes off the inaccurate assertions. Let’s say for example that someone asserts that you lack empathy because of certain remarks that you made that don’t fit within their more than likely outsourced ideology. Fine, no matter. In this instance, the need to defend oneself actually dissipates in no time if one posseses principles predicated upon self-identified proclivities for altruism, duty, and self-sacrifice.

The self-constructed identity becomes a bottomless well of confidence to draw upon. This is quite useful, because, if you are anything like me, we often have to remind ourselves of why we should be confident in a particular situation or endeavor. Thus, it is critical and imperative to have a list of reasons ready for why we ought to be confident when difficulty or struggle befalls us. Now, it should go without saying at this point that this list of reasons MUST be rooted in the authentic identity AND, brutal honesty. Baseless confidence is a trap that must be avoided. Reasons for confidence must flow from the truths of one’s Self. For example, imagine that you have worked very hard on some project of great importance to you and it is time to present it to the intended audience. It is very easy to get nervous in such a situation. Now, if you know yourself to be a scrupulous and meticulous person who strives intensely to produce high-value product and this self-knowledge is the result of months/years of adherence to a personal principle which states: I shall seek to be as exceptional as possible in all endeavors…a principle predicated upon a natural inclination to want to do things to the best of one’s ability, then it is irrational to doubt yourself on the basis of competency and intention. With competency and pure intentions, one has earned the right to be confident. Internalize this fact and use it to drive you through the understandable internal discomfort that is felt when the pressure of public perception is upon you. In this situation, the truth of the Self is: one is fully equipped to handle the situation at hand. Go on and do what you know you can do.

On the other hand, if one determines through honest introspection that one is not scrupulous in all endeavors, then one must seek to understand the reasons for why that it is the case. Identify and analyze the weeds of the self (mentioned in the third piece of this series) - the inauspicious proclivities - and engage in courses of actions predicated upon insights and conclusions that contradict the nature of those self-subversive proclivities. Do so persistently for months and years, and auspicious proclivities shall ultimately supplant the weeds that inspired them.

Another critical use-case of the self-constructed identity is the inevitable and pervasive reality of counter-productive and self-contradictory trails of thought. Identity recall can and will put an end to such self-subversive thoughts. How? The authentic identity begets hyper-personalized priorities. Priorities constructed with sincere intentions and with one’s identity in mind, reaffirms the principles from which they flow, and can be used as agents of cognitive realignment. It is unfortunately far too easy to fall out of cognitive equilibrium and both principle and priority recall can vaporize the mental pollution that causes one to fall out of alignment and reestablish the flow state - identity embodiment. Adherence to one’s identity is an endeavor that has to be constantly pursued. One will often fall short in that pursuit and that is 100%….OKAY. So long as one is trending in the direction that one has set for oneself, all is well.

I’d like to state here that all of this is said with the implicit assumption (based on personal experiences with a wide and varied range of humans) that, and I know this will sound painfully idealistic, each human is endowed with boundless potential for self-awareness, growth, camaraderie, self-sacrifice, curiosity, ambition (you define it), and compassion. As one investigates the internal world with a critical eye, I have no doubt that for every inauspicious proclivity that is uncovered, one shall identify at least one, if not more, auspicious proclivities. Moreover, if one adheres to certain fundamental principles (ideally predicated upon seemingly natural and let’s say, pro-civilization dispositions) - ones that I myself adhere to - the odds of becoming a person who can catch oneself every time life knocks one down, and consequently, someone who can be a source of comfort and strength for all, increases dramatically. I shall share those principles in my next piece. Not to be sanctimonious, but if enough of us adopt and hold ourselves accountable to such principles, then I am certain that our societies shall become more empathetic, collaborative, solution-oriented, connected, and resilient.

One of the ultimate goals of the process of identity creation that I have presented in this four-part series is to earn one’s own trust. Think about that for a moment. Do you actually trust yourself? Do you trust yourself to pull yourself out of challenging predicaments? To find answers to questions of personal existence and topics of personal intrigue? To quell your own emotional tumult? To reign in the maelstrom of thoughts in the mind? To make proper decisions in high-stakes situations: personal, profession, and social? To act with patience, self-restraint, and understanding no matter the situation? I firmly assert that the path to self-trust lies in the constant embodiment of the self-constructed identity. Unrelenting adherence to the lattice of personal principles that one has constructed will necessarily cause one to live, day to day, in the ways that one seeks to live. With each day that passes, the ledger of evidence which affirms one’s conception of Self, grows and grows. Before too long, one can honestly state to oneself, “I am who I say I am".” Best of all, when “I” is said, one is truly referring to one’s innate predispositions and intentionally-chosen principles. With implicit trust in oneself, fear, self-doubt, anxiety, and so on, can be easily and efficiently dealt with. Ultimately, the basis of one’s self-perception becomes a question of whether or not one is adhering to one’s self-constructed principles…of whether or not one is meeting one’s own expectations of oneself. Both matters are totally within our control.

It is also imperative to be hyper-aware of one intentions in all endeavors and situations. If one’s intentions are not in alignment with the authentic identity, then nothing that follows from them can be derivatives of one’s tailored consciousness/identity. We must constantly ask ourselves why we are doing, saying, and thinking a particular thing. With the authentic identity, it becomes outstandingly easy to answer those whys…to define our intentions.

For example, a long while back, I concluded after rigorous introspection and self-interrogation that I have a proclivity to be totally present with each human that I come across. To this day, I feel intense discomfort when I feel as though I may have not listened as carefully to someone as I expect myself to or if I didn’t empower a particular person in some way during an interaction. With this, I established the following proclivity-based principle for myself: Irrespective of the happenings of the day and of my particular state of mind, I shall be supremely present, kind, curious, honest, supportive and sincere in all human encounters. This principle is then the source of all my intentions associated with human interactions. When I am interacting with any given person, I am doing so because I seek to appreciate their existence and behave in a way that creates comfort and confidence within the person. Nothing more, nothing less…and then I am on my way. I do not seek to build relationships with people on the basis of what they can do for me. This is the case because 1) doing so is not in alignment with my nature and the aforementioned principle; 2) another one of my proclivity-based principles is: Self-sufficiency will grant me all that I want. Meaning, I can achieve all that I seek to achieve through my own efforts. If I ever need someone else for something, then I am internally deficient somewhere and thus have room for improvement. Such a principle can cause one to become so capable and self-assured that one never feels the slightest compulsion to be extractive in any way when dealing with someone. There is just no need, frankly.

Another example of how principles can define one’s intentions is in the case of doing things for others. I won’t dictate your intentions, but this is a curious matter for us humans. There are many potential reasons for why we choose to do something for someone else. Often times, the reasons are selfish and self-serving. For me, when I commit to doing something for someone else, I do so, not because I feel like I have to or it is expected of me, but rather out of adherence to my proclivity-based principle for loyalty. I serve another because I seek to add value to the person. Moreover, once I have made a commitment, it must be upheld, lest I risk losing the trust of someone. If I have made a commitment, then it is because I endeavor to offer sincere support, with no expectation of reciprocity. It’s simply a matter of personal principle. To serve others with the intention of self-aggrandizement is anathema to my identity.

I’ll conclude this series by reminding you and making it clear that the identity-lattice exists in a perpetual state of evolution. It is not inert. The salient point is that there is a core structure or, to borrow from the world of computer science, base code in place. The base code, which is composed of the superordinate proclivity-based principles (the deepest aspects of our self-perceived nature), undergoes software updates as one utilizes it in the moment-to-moment living of life. A particular principle gets updated with a new insight born of a particularly challenging experience. If you’re really fortunate, the base code is amended to include a newly identified auspicious proclivity, ready to be used as the foundation for a new principle. Furthermore, the identity must be embodied/actualized to a significant extent each day in order to truly transform into that which you truly are. Without conscious embodiment of it, it will wither away as self-subversive thoughts trails and stimuli bombard your mind. Nourish the identity by actualizing it. Doing so will cause the lattice to both crystallize and expand. To kick things off though, simply focus on identifying and embodying a superordinate set of proclivity-based principles. These nuclear proclivity-based principles serve as the nucleus of you, and they orient your consciousness into a defined dynamic in the way that the Sun orients all of the celestial bodies in our solar system. Do this, and an inexhaustible fire shall ignite within you. It may be whittled down at times to nothing more than a flickering flame, BUT, it will always resurface as a bigger, inexorable inferno.